​​​​​   P H I L I P P A  S K L A A R

Many people can speak and not write or write and not speak. You do both extremely well. You could easily write a screenplay and star in it

John W Elman, Editor, Malibu Rotary Surfwriter, Secretary, Malibu Rotary Club

To arrange a speaking engagement, contact Dawn Stuart at Books in Common, 541-318-6288

The Women's Voice Project to End Domestic Violence

“By sharing her painful journey, and those of other women who have endured pain and shame, Philippa Sklaar provides remarkable insight, guidance and hope for anyone trapped in an abusive relationship.

When Loving Him Hurts is a beautiful and poignant reminder that everyone has options”.

“Thank you, Philippa for the remarkable work that was done with our staff at Tiger Brands. We were surprised by how well the information was received and clearly more women than we were aware of are struggling with the issue of domestic abuse. The problem was clearly under the corporate radar and human resources are also now more aware of the prevalence of domestic abuse. The staff report finding the content empowering and inspirational”.     Carol Lombard, HR Tiger Brands

“The impact Philippa had on our patients was nothing short of amazing. She has a talent of engaging her audience in ways that can only be described as awe inspiring. Patients who rarely speak up responded to her.     Andi Waterson, therapist Papilon Psychiatric Facility

“Your talk broke through my denial and I was finally able to accept that I have been an emotionally abused woman for the past 25 years. Your skills and strategies are invaluable. I cannot thank you enough for your truly inspirational talk”.      Nikki Toys, Lifeline counselor

“Philippa, thank you for the riveting talk you gave to our organization and to the counselors who were also present. Our members cannot stop raving about your presentation. Your story is inspirational and your insights profound. You gave hope to victims of abuse and showed how they could become survivors. Please come back when you next visit South Africa”.

Bev Levy Executive Chair Union of Jewish Women of South Africa

“Thank you for the donation of books to our shelter. We have already structured support groups on the book and the 6,500 women who go through our shelters each year will benefit enormously. Words cannot express our gratitude”.
   Joy Lane, Director St. Annes Home Cape Town, South Africa

 “People go to priests, therapist, life coaches to unravel pains (old pain now) and I cannot tell you that mine has gone while speaking with you. You are amazing! I hope the Women’s Voice Project touch each and all the lives of girls and women here in CA, US and everywhere else. I’m grateful I know you!”   Corinne H

“This was an eye opener for me, as an abusing husband. For the first time, I could see through my wife’s eyes, how she was feeling”.
 Mark Y.




"A superb must-read for anyone who has thought about

or experienced the heartbreak of being involved in an affair". 
Radio Host of 'Dishing with Judith

“A journey of self-discovery that comes from learning who we

truly are and what we value in our lives. The Affair is a book

everyone should read”.
Rosalyn Khan, Ted X speaker and author

Busting Myths on Domestic Violence

What Constitutes Domestic Violence?

“The Affair is a terrific book. Highly recommended for those who’ve experienced betrayal and are now facing forgiveness and trust”.
Dr Patricia Futia, Specialist in Human Sexuality

The Myths Around Domestic Violence

Reviews and testimonials

​“We cannot see what we don’t understand.

 Finally, a book about abuse that blazes a path through the complex dynamics

of domestic violence and helps the one who is being hurt to look at herself –

with compassion and tough love. To be strategic and smart.  To choose herself.

 This fairy tale busting, no-bullshit, no judgment gem of a book brings together

the collaborative genius of a brilliant therapist and a courageous survivor of

abuse and offers stories, strategies and solutions to one of the most  

misunderstood and intractable of human  intractable of human predicaments:

when a woman loves a man who hurts her.

Compelling, insightful and utterly liberating. I wanted to stand and cheer

when I finished reading it.

 This book will save lives”.  


We have to enlarge and expand our ideas on what domestic violence is. Unless we understand the real nature of the beast we can do little to improve our interventions in domestic abuse. It is a complex problem.  This is one of the important features in our book, When Loving Him Hurts. We correct the definitions and preconceptions of abuse. Most people don't know that the majority of abuse that takes place is without a fist or hand being raised.

I was privileged to hear two of Philippa’s talks on domestic violence and abusive relationships.

Philippa is an inspirational lady who connects with her audience as she weaves elements of her own journey, with information on how to identify abusive relationships, as well as practical strategies and tools that can be used for self-awareness and healing.

On both occasions, Philippa crated space that is often lacking in our daily lives and shrouded in shame. She gave voice to and provided a platform to talk about abusive relationships not only between men and women but also between parents and children as well as the ways in which we may abuse ourselves.

In addition to Philippa’s presence, empathy and ability to talk about domestic violence, I was struck by her impact on the audience. In counseling, we refer to what is called a “spontaneous revelation”, one of those “aha” moments when we have a realization or something makes sense. I witnessed people speaking for the first time, becoming aware of their own behavior in relationships, and the beginning of their own healing journeys.

I wondered what the formula was for this profound experience. There were several elements: Increased knowledge, the opening of a dialogue to create awareness, the realization that there are options, the reception of the necessary tools, as well as connecting with others, receiving support and being heard.

I then realized that Philippa’s story and her ability to share her experiences create the possibility for recreating our narratives and offers hope through reclaiming personal power”.

Nicole Imerman, Lifeline counselor and facilitator, South Africa

Most people link abuse to violence. They believe that unless they are slapped, beaten, punched or raped it isn’t domestic violence.



The second important feature of the book is that up until now women have been given a get out of jail free card. The general idea is that they are passive victims who have been unlucky in love. Quite simply that is not the truth. They participate in the dance of abuse in ways that they don’t understand. 

My nonprofit, The Women's Voice Project is aimed at reducing domestic violence.  Our program encourages women to see themselves as the solution, not the problem.